Trust the Timing of Life

After 3+ months of no running due to an injury, little activity with lots of Netflix, I finally dipped my toes back into running on a very cold January day with a two mile jog to my favorite park in Astoria. I stopped in the Socrates Sculpture Park to admire the winter-y scenery along the East River. At that moment, after months of missing out on early runs, jogs past the Christmas windows on 5th Ave, and most importantly sitting out the NYC Marathon, I was at peace with everything that happened. I've always heard, "everything happens for a reason," and I believe that if you slow down long enough to understand it all, it's definitely true.

Sometimes you just lose the spark. I admit my training last summer and fall for the NYC Marathon was anything but fun. Slogging through the heat on long runs, waking up early after working exhausting weddings, and giving up on social time just was no longer fun for me. I was wholly committed to running the marathon, but not as excited to do the work as I wanted to be. As a person who is driven by passion, it was hard for me to force myself to do the long runs that were a necessary part of training. Ironically, during the last 20 mile run of my training, which also happened to be one of the most fun and best times of my training cycle, I suffered a stress fracture. It was almost like the universe was telling me "wait, not yet." I deferred the marathon and struggled through several physically and mentally painful weeks leading up to the day I wouldn't be toeing the line in Staten Island.

However, the universe is always right in its timing. My parents flew in for marathon weekend and we had the time of our lives eating, drinking, seeing a Broadway show and ultimately cheering at the marathon. Originally, I had wanted to be as far away from the marathon course as possible on the big day, but my family urged me to attend and cheer on my friends and teammates. We went and saw the finish line the day before the race, and they hugged me as I cried for a few moments when the realization hit me that this wasn't my year to cross it. 

On Marathon morning we staked out a spot in Brooklyn and cheered on the elites and the throngs of runners. It really hit me when my training buddy Evi passed and I cried a few tears. The day couldn't have gone better as everyone had the race of their lives and I got to be with my teammates cheering on everyone's races. That day sparked my love of running once again.

Cheering in Brooklyn

When you really love something and can't do it, it hurts, but I think it also refills your tank. My running tank was pretty close to empty. Taking three months off to see friends I hadn't been able to make time for, actively pursuing my yoga practice, and traveling to Costa Rica on a retreat, all added fuel to my tank. Missing out on group runs, cheering friends in the Philadelphia Marathon, and having a ton of quality time on my couch truly allowed me the time to embrace my pain and understand how much I loved the sport. I had been moaning and groaning on early mornings, slogging through long runs, and counting down every mile until the runs were over. Ultimately, my injury was necessary for my running. I wouldn't have loved every moment of the NYC Marathon and maybe have even decided to continue running if I hadn't had the time to reflect while recovering from my injury.

Whippets Cheer Station in the Bronx

Therefore, I now embrace my running, and even more so the health of my running than ever before. I have learned I need to mentally be into it to enjoy it. I need to take care of my body and follow the plan that is best for me, even if others may be able to run more miles or faster than me. The longevity of running is truly based on the way you treat yourself and I want to treat myself well.

For now I have lots to look forward to and many more miles to run!

Hard is Good

One humid Sunday in October, I was out on my last 20 mile long run in preparation for my race of a lifetime, the 2017 New York City Marathon.  Suddenly I had to pull over for tightness in  my right glute when I was at mile 17. Up until this point, the run had been picture perfect. I had even met  three of my best runner girl friends along the route and we chit chatted about everything under the sun. I figured I just had a cramp, so I attempted to stretch it out, and then hobbled the last 3 miles home.

The next few days were incredibly painful, it hurt to walk, sleep, and even bend over. I consulted with friends and a physical therapist and we assumed it was a glute strain.  The the next week it was diagnosed it as an SI joint dysfunction, so I went to PT a few times, and things started to feel better. Upon a suggestion from a teammate, I went to an orthopedic doctor to rule out any type of skeletal injury, and to confirm what we were thinking; I wanted confirmation that I wouldn’t hurt myself more by running the marathon. After X-Rays, an MRI, and even sneaking in a run I was told not to do, he confirmed my worst fears; I have a stress fracture of my sacrum. The doctor ordered a strict month of no running, little walking or standing, and no exercise. I kept calm until I left the office and then the tears flooded my eyes and lasted well throughout the day. The most important and largest race of my life, which I was 100% prepared and excited for, was now completely out the window! Living in NYC has made it worse; everywhere I look throughout the city, there are reminders of the race.  Subway posters,  signs on light posts , and even commercials on TV are haunting me. I understand that there is always next year, but after enduring a  tough summer of sweltering long runs, on top of working long hours, I wanted this to be my last full marathon until I got settled down.

So what now? My immediate reaction was obviously sadness and fear. Sadness because I will not be running the marathon, and I will also miss my Monday group, and long runs with friends. I will not be able to  get to run my favorite trails outside of the city as the autumn leaves fall.  There will be no Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving, no Midnight Run on New Years Eve, and no morning runs to clear my head. I fear of losing all the fitness I have worked so hard for all year, getting completely out of shape, and let’s be honest, gaining weight! 

 

After stopping and reflecting, I am thankful that this is a temporary situation. Things could always be worse, and I will run again soon. I can use this time off of running to build myself in non-physical ways such as getting to read all those books that are collecting dust on my shelf, learning to play the guitar, and going to museums I would normally not have time for.

So yeah, this has been really hard on me. Very hard emotionally, as I feel everything like a hurricane. Hard because running is a huge part of me, even though there were numerous mornings I groaned getting out of bed at 5am to run.  It is a time when I make important life decisions, watch the sunrise, heck even meditate and pray. It is hard physically getting around now also, but hard is good. Hard teaches you to appreciate the things you take for granted, such as the three  half-marathons I accomplished this year .  I even unexpectedly set a new PR in one of them!  I ran through pouring rain at the Staten Island Half and have made many new wonderful friends thanks to my running team.  I will lose out on the many social aspects of running, like regular group runs, or catching up with friends on a run, when that's the only time we have to talk.

 Again, this is going to be hard. Standing on the sidelines of the NYC Marathon this Sunday and cheering is going to hurt in many ways. Yet, I believe every hurdle in our life has a purpose, to teach us something deeper about ourselves. With that being said, I am going to (try to) fully embrace this period of growth in my life, but also count down the days until I can run again. Here's to strength training, lots of planks, and deep water running soon! 

PS: If anyone has any insight into sacral fractures and upper body/body weight exercise that will not slow down the healing of my sacrum please reach out! 

I Run for Me

After crossing the sacred finish line, the first question most people (runners and non- runners alike) will ask is “What was your time?” Granted, the sport of running and racing is based on trying to run the distance as fast as possible. Many set goals for themselves to run a sub 4 hour marathon, to Boston Qualify, etc. However, running to me may sound strange to many of my racing friends and the running community that is constantly trying to get faster. I run for the pure sake of enjoyment and the fulfillment it brings me.

Personally, I don’t like to feel uncomfortable or like I am straining myself when I run, so I tend to run pretty slow. I am a proud middle to back of packer. Running is my alone time to simmer in my own thoughts and wrestle important decisions with myself as there is nothing else to do but put one foot in front of the other and be in your head. I began running in college as a way to cope with stress, bad relationships, and as I could no longer Figure Skate as I did growing up. I would run a 3 mile loop around the UCF campus and try to convince my friends to do it with me in the sauna like Florida heat. Gradually, I ran my first half marathon (at Disney World of course) and although I enjoyed it I told myself at the finish I would never run a full. Fast forward 3 years later I was crossing the finish line of my first full overcome with so much euphoria and the realization that “I can do it,” that I couldn’t even breathe or see the last few steps. Immediately on my runners high that evening, I put my name in for the lottery of the NYC Marathon hopeful that maybe I would be there one day. Although I did not get in that year, I am thrilled to say that this November I will be running the five boroughs (and as a NYC resident!)

Running at a slow, comfortable pace is what brings me joy in running. Rather than focusing on my discomfort I can think about my blessings, my life ahead of me, take in my surroundings in nature, and pray. Morning runs work best for my body; straight out of bed and hitting the pavement. My head is clear, the day is new and quiet before the hustle and bustle of the big city. It starts my day on a positive and refreshing note where I can take time for my gratitude practice and say some prayers before a busy and successful day.

In January of 2016 I ran my first marathon. My marathon debut was probably the best day of my life, I ran my own race, took my time, made friends with my pacer, and finished knowing that I wanted to do it over and over again. Every time I start to compare myself to those that are faster than me, I bring myself back to that moment and remember the satisfaction I had with myself and that no matter how slow I did it, I was part of the 1% of the population that has run 26.2 miles.

Here I am now, training through the sticky heat of the summer for the New York City Marathon on November 5^th; unquestionably the largest and most exciting road marathon in the world. My goal is to finish with a smile on my face and take my time enjoying the sights, sounds, and high fiving the spectators along the way. So if you ask me my time, don’t be disappointed with I just tell you with a grin that I did it. 

Time to Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

My first run did not go well. In high school, I would run a one mile loop around the lake by my house to improve my endurance for figure skating. I hated every minute of it and wondered how in the world my father ran marathons, and my sister excelled at cross-country. Other than the short prescribed runs from my coach, I completely wrote off running.

Fast forward to college when I had to quit competitive figure skating due to the demand of school, and I found myself running a 5k loop around campus and trying to convince anyone who would to join me. A few charity 5k races later, and I signed up for my first half marathon at Disney World where I ran 13.1 miles huffing and puffing to a 2:20 finish and swore I would never do a marathon. The rest is history.

As a runner that enjoys racing, I steadily improved with little effort as I didn't enjoy the discomfort of running fast. I would do steady 20 mile runs, "race" and finish with little effort given, and until this past weekend swore I would never do speed work or run until I puked.

After having to drop from the New Jersey Marathon to the Half Marathon due to a nasty virus (and a lot of disappointment and anxiety) I toed the starting line with many of my Dashing Whippet teammates sporting my shiny new singlet. Deciding to even wear the jersey was an internal struggle; as an obsessive perfectionist I tend to feel a lot of pressure to be "fast" and like I was not good enough to wear my singlet and represent the team. What if I ran slow, or had to walk? Would they judge me? I felt shame to already have dropped down to "only do a half marathon" as I describe it. Hesitantly, that morning at o'dark thirty of 3:30am I put on my team jersey and boarded the bus to Long Branch, NJ.

The best thing about being a Whippet is the support of teammates and always having someone to stand in a parking lot with you at 6:00am and take turns using porta-potties. Before we set out, my teammate Young asked me my goal. After feeling like I literally couldn't move my legs for weeks, I told him 1:55 which I knew was so out of the question and not in my tank of accomplishments for that day. Toeing the line, I just prayed to the universe that I could get through this in one piece and without walking. The gun went off, and I was off.

Mile 1 flew by as I maneuvered my way through the dense pack of runners and my watch beeped that my mile was 8:40. "Ok, gotta slow down I told myself." But by mile 5 after passing the pacers I swore I would stay behind and not slowing down, I decided I would keep it up as long as I could and although its bad, try to bank the time I was doing and positive split if I had to. I ate a pack of Honey Stingers chews 7 miles in and continued keeping a pretty steady 8:35 pace which was very surprising to me.

I saw the Whippet cheer team at mile 11 which boosted me up even more, and I cruised on. Mile 11.5 the half and the marathon split, and although I felt like I had a marathon in me at that point I was glad I had decided to drop to the half. Mile 12 my lungs started to burn but I knew I could make a big PR, and I "dropped the hammer" and crossed the finish in 1:55:05, over a 7 minute PR from my last half in October. Immediately, tears flooded my eyes as I was overcome with gratitude for my body, my team, training partners, and the power of believing in myself during that race. I really had not believed this was possible as I tend to run easy 24/7 in my training runs. I left NJ that day feeling something I had never really felt as a runner; strong, powerful, and like improvement was something I thirst for.

Moving forward, I have a new hunger for racing and improving my speed and stamina. It's time for speed workouts, more strength work, and recovering rather than running junk miles. It's time to get comfortable with being uncomfortable, and continue to smash new PR times in all my racing distances.

More Than Ever, The World Needs Yoga

At this time in our history when it seems that the world is in turmoil, I believe it is imperative that we focus on the positive and peace inside ourselves. My yoga practice has taught me to always see the best in things.

Yoga is not just a class you go to now and then, or a form of exercise. To me, yoga is a deeply personal and spiritual practice that teaches us peace, meditation, and gratitude. I used to feel a lot of pressure from the weight of the world, and other people’s problems I could not solve and it would cause me a lot of personal unhappiness and stress in my daily life. I had done yoga off and on at my University’s group classes and at studios in Orlando, but it never really clicked for me as more than a workout class. However, a change in mindset and finding the most incredible studio in my neighborhood, Yoga Agora, honestly changed me as a person.

That may seem like a huge exaggeration to say that yoga has changed my life, but it completely has. Yoga is an ancient practice that began in Indian and has roots in Hinduism, Buddhism, and Jainism. It originated around the time of the Buddha and from his teachings, and was first a mental practice before it had transformed into a well known and popular form of exercise all over the world. It is a deeply personal practice equally about giving your best physically to the practice, but also mentally. Yoga is a practice meant to prepare your body and mind for meditation, or shavasana (an Asana pose where you lie on the floor and openly breathe in meditation.)  

Yoga has brought me immense peace with myself and in dealing with the external factors of life; work stress, my relationships, being comfortable with who I am, and even the political climate of the world. I learned from the confines of the four corners of my mat, that I am only in control of my own thoughts and my own life, and to simply deal with what is dealt at me to the best of my ability. To be easier on myself; like at the end of a Vinyasa flow you lay down and meditate on what you have done and have peace that is was all you can do. So rather than nit pick at what I could/should have done and replay situations over and over in my mind until I make myself sick, I choose to live presently and realize what is done is done, and to only focus on what I presently have control over. 

The world desperately needs yoga. The world needs peace, the prominent theme of yoga, and to stop lashing out in negativity and violence as a first reaction. My favorite mantra chanted in practice is this, 

"Om śāntiḥ śāntiḥ śāntiḥ," translated meaning 

May there be well-being for all,

May there be peace for all.

May there be wholeness for all,

May there be happiness for all.

This is the dream, isn't it? What peace is about? How can we really create "World Peace" when our first reaction to political news is to spread our own negative feelings? A pillar of Buddhism tells us that we are in control of removing suffering from the world. I believe by removing negativity that this is the first step. Let's keep our negative thoughts to ourselves and instead provide positive alternate options to what we don't agree with. This will also give our loved ones, friends, even world leaders the reinforcement to make the right choices out of compassion.

This following chant is very important to our world at this time:

"Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu"

May the rulers of the earth protect the well-being of the people,

With justice, by means of the right path.

May there always be good fortune for all living beings.

May all the inhabitants of the world be full of happiness.

If only the world could feel the peace and ease of mind one receives at the end of a blissful yoga session. Peace in the body, peace in the mind, and peace in the heart.

Hate takes energy. Love just is.

5 Things I Have Learned & Hope to Grow into in my 25th Year

January 25th I woke up the ripe old age of 25, which also happens to be my Golden Year! 24 taught me more than most years in the relationships I had, moving to NYC, and with my career. I have grown into myself a lot over the past few years and wanted to share a few things I have learned, and am working towards implementing more into my life.

1.     Success is measured by your happiness. I am happy when I am doing what I love; my new job planning weddings at my dream venue, running, doing yoga, being with those I love, and in nature.

2.     Be true to yourself. Always do what feeds your soul and not to satisfy others. It is really important to me to always be authentically myself, and to embrace all my quirks.

3.     Don’t give all of yourself. I am a giver; I give and give and am always there for my friends no matter what they need. However, that has not always been reciprocated. After much hurt, I have learned that I cannot always care for others more than myself, especially when they do not return the favor. Keep your good friends close, and always keep a special place in your heart and your day for yourself.

4.      Find an outlet. Life can be hard sometimes. I find that having an outlet to de-stress and refocus on something you care about really helps me. Running and yoga are that for me. The physical burn and the clarity I get through meditation in both are not paralleled by anything else to me, and I am obsessed with both!   

5.     Your body is your vessel, take care of it. You were given this one, precious, human body to carry you through life. Life is the most incredible gift we can have and I believe in wellness and longevity for that life. So I choose to eat real, nutritious, healthy food and move my body in ways that feel good to me (even what that means running a marathon.)

All in all, I learned after years of working to please others, or to “fit in”, that the most important thing we can have in this life is satisfaction with ourselves. I find that I am happiest when I am doing exactly what feeds my soul: spending a quiet night at home with Charlie and a book, going on a long run with friends, yoga and meditation, a hot bath, trying new restaurants, discovering new places, and a hearty glass of red wine. 

What I've Been Doing Lately

New Year, new me right? Blogging hasn’t been on the tip top of my list of priorities, but it is definitely on my list of resolutions! I would like to realistically do a few posts a month, aka what I have been up to, recipe ideas, running, etc.

So since we’ve last chatted, life has been pretty sweet to me. I spent Thanksgiving with my dear friend Grace at her home in New Hampshire and had such a wonderful time. We went to the beach on Thanksgiving Day (her family tradition), her amazing mother made me a completely vegan meal, and took a drive up to Mount Washington and along the scenic Kancamagus Highway. We didn’t get to hike, but I will definitely be planning a trip to do just that this coming summer! It was bittersweet to be away from my family, but knowing I would see them for Christmas and having such an incredible time with Grace made for a very memorable trip.

My mom came to NYC (quickly becoming her favorite city I do believe) for a Christmas extravaganza! We ate lots of vegan dishes, saw the incredible Rockettes show, ice skated in Bryant Park, and toured the Rolling Stones exhibit in the West Village. We also got to see the film Jackie that I was dying to see, and it proved to be absolutely incredible. Of course we had several AMAZING vegan meals at my favorite spots! Her visits are always a whirlwind of fun, and never last long enough.

Jujube Tree in Astoria

Kimchi at Chelsea Market

As far as running goes, I took on my first (and maybe last) cross country race at Van Cortlandt Park in the Bronx. My enthusiastic teammates talked me into it, and I am very easily influenced into signing up for any and all racing events. My sister, Tara, an avid cross country runner in High School and college gave me some tips, and I strapped on my trail shoes and took the train out to the park on a very chilly and wet morning. Standing at the start I realized “what have I got myself into” as we spread out and headed out quickly into a flooded field. Soaking wet, we turned onto the trail and began a very steep ascent into the hills. My legs burning, I put everything I had in me into finishing as fast as possible and trying to not finish last. As a distance runner, speed isn’t my thing and multiple times as I tried to speed up I told myself I hated running and would never race again. Crossing the finish line was a relief, and about 2 minutes later I decided it was really fun to race such a difficult trail! Runner’s brain for you…

I also ran the Ted Corbitt 15k in Central Park with my team, which was a lot of fun and I set a nice new PR! Other than that, I have been adjusting to winter running in the cold and snow and really enjoying it so far. Other than freezing hands, having no issues and I think that winter really is my favorite season! Another little note: started a new job as a Catering Sales Coordinator planning all weddings at the Plaza.. a real dream come true!

Keep running friends!