I Run for Me

After crossing the sacred finish line, the first question most people (runners and non- runners alike) will ask is “What was your time?” Granted, the sport of running and racing is based on trying to run the distance as fast as possible. Many set goals for themselves to run a sub 4 hour marathon, to Boston Qualify, etc. However, running to me may sound strange to many of my racing friends and the running community that is constantly trying to get faster. I run for the pure sake of enjoyment and the fulfillment it brings me.

Personally, I don’t like to feel uncomfortable or like I am straining myself when I run, so I tend to run pretty slow. I am a proud middle to back of packer. Running is my alone time to simmer in my own thoughts and wrestle important decisions with myself as there is nothing else to do but put one foot in front of the other and be in your head. I began running in college as a way to cope with stress, bad relationships, and as I could no longer Figure Skate as I did growing up. I would run a 3 mile loop around the UCF campus and try to convince my friends to do it with me in the sauna like Florida heat. Gradually, I ran my first half marathon (at Disney World of course) and although I enjoyed it I told myself at the finish I would never run a full. Fast forward 3 years later I was crossing the finish line of my first full overcome with so much euphoria and the realization that “I can do it,” that I couldn’t even breathe or see the last few steps. Immediately on my runners high that evening, I put my name in for the lottery of the NYC Marathon hopeful that maybe I would be there one day. Although I did not get in that year, I am thrilled to say that this November I will be running the five boroughs (and as a NYC resident!)

Running at a slow, comfortable pace is what brings me joy in running. Rather than focusing on my discomfort I can think about my blessings, my life ahead of me, take in my surroundings in nature, and pray. Morning runs work best for my body; straight out of bed and hitting the pavement. My head is clear, the day is new and quiet before the hustle and bustle of the big city. It starts my day on a positive and refreshing note where I can take time for my gratitude practice and say some prayers before a busy and successful day.

In January of 2016 I ran my first marathon. My marathon debut was probably the best day of my life, I ran my own race, took my time, made friends with my pacer, and finished knowing that I wanted to do it over and over again. Every time I start to compare myself to those that are faster than me, I bring myself back to that moment and remember the satisfaction I had with myself and that no matter how slow I did it, I was part of the 1% of the population that has run 26.2 miles.

Here I am now, training through the sticky heat of the summer for the New York City Marathon on November 5^th; unquestionably the largest and most exciting road marathon in the world. My goal is to finish with a smile on my face and take my time enjoying the sights, sounds, and high fiving the spectators along the way. So if you ask me my time, don’t be disappointed with I just tell you with a grin that I did it. 

Time to Get Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable

My first run did not go well. In high school, I would run a one mile loop around the lake by my house to improve my endurance for figure skating. I hated every minute of it and wondered how in the world my father ran marathons, and my sister excelled at cross-country. Other than the short prescribed runs from my coach, I completely wrote off running.

Fast forward to college when I had to quit competitive figure skating due to the demand of school, and I found myself running a 5k loop around campus and trying to convince anyone who would to join me. A few charity 5k races later, and I signed up for my first half marathon at Disney World where I ran 13.1 miles huffing and puffing to a 2:20 finish and swore I would never do a marathon. The rest is history.

As a runner that enjoys racing, I steadily improved with little effort as I didn't enjoy the discomfort of running fast. I would do steady 20 mile runs, "race" and finish with little effort given, and until this past weekend swore I would never do speed work or run until I puked.

After having to drop from the New Jersey Marathon to the Half Marathon due to a nasty virus (and a lot of disappointment and anxiety) I toed the starting line with many of my Dashing Whippet teammates sporting my shiny new singlet. Deciding to even wear the jersey was an internal struggle; as an obsessive perfectionist I tend to feel a lot of pressure to be "fast" and like I was not good enough to wear my singlet and represent the team. What if I ran slow, or had to walk? Would they judge me? I felt shame to already have dropped down to "only do a half marathon" as I describe it. Hesitantly, that morning at o'dark thirty of 3:30am I put on my team jersey and boarded the bus to Long Branch, NJ.

The best thing about being a Whippet is the support of teammates and always having someone to stand in a parking lot with you at 6:00am and take turns using porta-potties. Before we set out, my teammate Young asked me my goal. After feeling like I literally couldn't move my legs for weeks, I told him 1:55 which I knew was so out of the question and not in my tank of accomplishments for that day. Toeing the line, I just prayed to the universe that I could get through this in one piece and without walking. The gun went off, and I was off.

Mile 1 flew by as I maneuvered my way through the dense pack of runners and my watch beeped that my mile was 8:40. "Ok, gotta slow down I told myself." But by mile 5 after passing the pacers I swore I would stay behind and not slowing down, I decided I would keep it up as long as I could and although its bad, try to bank the time I was doing and positive split if I had to. I ate a pack of Honey Stingers chews 7 miles in and continued keeping a pretty steady 8:35 pace which was very surprising to me.

I saw the Whippet cheer team at mile 11 which boosted me up even more, and I cruised on. Mile 11.5 the half and the marathon split, and although I felt like I had a marathon in me at that point I was glad I had decided to drop to the half. Mile 12 my lungs started to burn but I knew I could make a big PR, and I "dropped the hammer" and crossed the finish in 1:55:05, over a 7 minute PR from my last half in October. Immediately, tears flooded my eyes as I was overcome with gratitude for my body, my team, training partners, and the power of believing in myself during that race. I really had not believed this was possible as I tend to run easy 24/7 in my training runs. I left NJ that day feeling something I had never really felt as a runner; strong, powerful, and like improvement was something I thirst for.

Moving forward, I have a new hunger for racing and improving my speed and stamina. It's time for speed workouts, more strength work, and recovering rather than running junk miles. It's time to get comfortable with being uncomfortable, and continue to smash new PR times in all my racing distances.