Trust the Timing of Life

After 3+ months of no running due to an injury, little activity with lots of Netflix, I finally dipped my toes back into running on a very cold January day with a two mile jog to my favorite park in Astoria. I stopped in the Socrates Sculpture Park to admire the winter-y scenery along the East River. At that moment, after months of missing out on early runs, jogs past the Christmas windows on 5th Ave, and most importantly sitting out the NYC Marathon, I was at peace with everything that happened. I've always heard, "everything happens for a reason," and I believe that if you slow down long enough to understand it all, it's definitely true.

Sometimes you just lose the spark. I admit my training last summer and fall for the NYC Marathon was anything but fun. Slogging through the heat on long runs, waking up early after working exhausting weddings, and giving up on social time just was no longer fun for me. I was wholly committed to running the marathon, but not as excited to do the work as I wanted to be. As a person who is driven by passion, it was hard for me to force myself to do the long runs that were a necessary part of training. Ironically, during the last 20 mile run of my training, which also happened to be one of the most fun and best times of my training cycle, I suffered a stress fracture. It was almost like the universe was telling me "wait, not yet." I deferred the marathon and struggled through several physically and mentally painful weeks leading up to the day I wouldn't be toeing the line in Staten Island.

However, the universe is always right in its timing. My parents flew in for marathon weekend and we had the time of our lives eating, drinking, seeing a Broadway show and ultimately cheering at the marathon. Originally, I had wanted to be as far away from the marathon course as possible on the big day, but my family urged me to attend and cheer on my friends and teammates. We went and saw the finish line the day before the race, and they hugged me as I cried for a few moments when the realization hit me that this wasn't my year to cross it. 

On Marathon morning we staked out a spot in Brooklyn and cheered on the elites and the throngs of runners. It really hit me when my training buddy Evi passed and I cried a few tears. The day couldn't have gone better as everyone had the race of their lives and I got to be with my teammates cheering on everyone's races. That day sparked my love of running once again.

Cheering in Brooklyn

When you really love something and can't do it, it hurts, but I think it also refills your tank. My running tank was pretty close to empty. Taking three months off to see friends I hadn't been able to make time for, actively pursuing my yoga practice, and traveling to Costa Rica on a retreat, all added fuel to my tank. Missing out on group runs, cheering friends in the Philadelphia Marathon, and having a ton of quality time on my couch truly allowed me the time to embrace my pain and understand how much I loved the sport. I had been moaning and groaning on early mornings, slogging through long runs, and counting down every mile until the runs were over. Ultimately, my injury was necessary for my running. I wouldn't have loved every moment of the NYC Marathon and maybe have even decided to continue running if I hadn't had the time to reflect while recovering from my injury.

Whippets Cheer Station in the Bronx

Therefore, I now embrace my running, and even more so the health of my running than ever before. I have learned I need to mentally be into it to enjoy it. I need to take care of my body and follow the plan that is best for me, even if others may be able to run more miles or faster than me. The longevity of running is truly based on the way you treat yourself and I want to treat myself well.

For now I have lots to look forward to and many more miles to run!

Hard is Good

One humid Sunday in October, I was out on my last 20 mile long run in preparation for my race of a lifetime, the 2017 New York City Marathon.  Suddenly I had to pull over for tightness in  my right glute when I was at mile 17. Up until this point, the run had been picture perfect. I had even met  three of my best runner girl friends along the route and we chit chatted about everything under the sun. I figured I just had a cramp, so I attempted to stretch it out, and then hobbled the last 3 miles home.

The next few days were incredibly painful, it hurt to walk, sleep, and even bend over. I consulted with friends and a physical therapist and we assumed it was a glute strain.  The the next week it was diagnosed it as an SI joint dysfunction, so I went to PT a few times, and things started to feel better. Upon a suggestion from a teammate, I went to an orthopedic doctor to rule out any type of skeletal injury, and to confirm what we were thinking; I wanted confirmation that I wouldn’t hurt myself more by running the marathon. After X-Rays, an MRI, and even sneaking in a run I was told not to do, he confirmed my worst fears; I have a stress fracture of my sacrum. The doctor ordered a strict month of no running, little walking or standing, and no exercise. I kept calm until I left the office and then the tears flooded my eyes and lasted well throughout the day. The most important and largest race of my life, which I was 100% prepared and excited for, was now completely out the window! Living in NYC has made it worse; everywhere I look throughout the city, there are reminders of the race.  Subway posters,  signs on light posts , and even commercials on TV are haunting me. I understand that there is always next year, but after enduring a  tough summer of sweltering long runs, on top of working long hours, I wanted this to be my last full marathon until I got settled down.

So what now? My immediate reaction was obviously sadness and fear. Sadness because I will not be running the marathon, and I will also miss my Monday group, and long runs with friends. I will not be able to  get to run my favorite trails outside of the city as the autumn leaves fall.  There will be no Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving, no Midnight Run on New Years Eve, and no morning runs to clear my head. I fear of losing all the fitness I have worked so hard for all year, getting completely out of shape, and let’s be honest, gaining weight! 

 

After stopping and reflecting, I am thankful that this is a temporary situation. Things could always be worse, and I will run again soon. I can use this time off of running to build myself in non-physical ways such as getting to read all those books that are collecting dust on my shelf, learning to play the guitar, and going to museums I would normally not have time for.

So yeah, this has been really hard on me. Very hard emotionally, as I feel everything like a hurricane. Hard because running is a huge part of me, even though there were numerous mornings I groaned getting out of bed at 5am to run.  It is a time when I make important life decisions, watch the sunrise, heck even meditate and pray. It is hard physically getting around now also, but hard is good. Hard teaches you to appreciate the things you take for granted, such as the three  half-marathons I accomplished this year .  I even unexpectedly set a new PR in one of them!  I ran through pouring rain at the Staten Island Half and have made many new wonderful friends thanks to my running team.  I will lose out on the many social aspects of running, like regular group runs, or catching up with friends on a run, when that's the only time we have to talk.

 Again, this is going to be hard. Standing on the sidelines of the NYC Marathon this Sunday and cheering is going to hurt in many ways. Yet, I believe every hurdle in our life has a purpose, to teach us something deeper about ourselves. With that being said, I am going to (try to) fully embrace this period of growth in my life, but also count down the days until I can run again. Here's to strength training, lots of planks, and deep water running soon! 

PS: If anyone has any insight into sacral fractures and upper body/body weight exercise that will not slow down the healing of my sacrum please reach out!